“Things get better, then they seem the same. One day I am certain that change is a must, others I am certain that life is pretty good in the status quo.”
I wrote these words a few months ago and they do in fact still hold true. I haven’t updated my blog in so long because I knew that I would just be saying the same things and belaboring them for pretty much no reason. So, I decided to refrain out of fear that I would sound self-absorbed and petty. Well, things have pretty much stayed the same in life and so the only thing to do was to accept that this was not a decision that I could make by myself. I couldn’t just sit around waiting for a sign or the absolute 100% certainty that I should pick up, pack and move to Morocco. So, my husband and I had a few logical discussions and we decided that if I get a job in Morocco it would make everything easier on everyone. So, I decided to take action and set the ball rolling to see if where my heart told me I should be is actually where God wants me to be.
As I wait to hear back from my first choice I am also going to feel out some more options in other places. Marrakech yes, of course, but also Casablanca. A city that drives me crazy and provokes me but also excites and entices me. I am going to do my best to see if this is meant to be. At this point, I completely recognize that absolutely none of this is in my control, although I still struggle with that everyday. This to me is what it means to be Muslim. Forget about all the rules and just accept that you are not in control and the Creator is. I do not know if anyone can really deny the force and depth of struggle that this really takes. We are not in control of the final decision and all we can do is control ourselves and our actions and seek forgiveness and guidance. To me, this is the Glory of God! Subhan’Allah!
I am a person who makes lists… they help me focus and I feel like I can really be constructive and productive as I check the items off my list. So, now, I have made two separate lists. One is titled: For Morocco, Insh’Allah; the second: If not, Allah knows Best. Here’s what to do next…
To me this shows that I have come to peace with the next phase in my life. I know where to go from here and what needs to be done and both destinations have great potential. God willing!
Until next time… Salaam!